5 January, 2017
Travel Tips To Make Your Florida Vacation Less Stressful
I’ve been working in the tourism industry as a professional entertainer for more than twenty years, most of which has been in Florida. During this time I’ve come to be a keen observer of tourists in their unnatural habitat, the vacation. I feel this knowledge which I have amassed makes me uniquely qualified to share with you travel tips which will help you enjoy a less stressful vacation.
Travel Tip 1: It Never Rains in Florida So Don’t Bother Packing For Wet
When Walt Disney purchased the State of Florida from the Indians in 1911, he had one stipulation; that there be no rain. Smart thinking of course, because he was a visionary and knew people would not flock to the theme parks he intended to build many years later after the Clone Wars had ended. The Indians signed off on the deal and placed a state-wide ban on rain dances. As technology progressed, Disney was able to have the dome (known as “The Dome”) erected over Florida so that the temperature could also be controlled. Now, the state of Florida stays at a constant 82 degrees year round for your tourism pleasure.
Travel Tip 2: The Dome Sweats So Pack for Sweatness
Occasionally, meaning every day, the interior of the dome sweats which gives the impression of rain so pack accordingly.
Travel Tip 3: You Don’t Need Cash
If you were born before 1973, you have the WDW097 chip implanted in your neck at birth. Commonly known as a “Walt Wallet,” this chip monitors your buying impulses and decisions from birth. When you enter the state of Florida, the chip acts as a credit card. All you have to do is swipe your neck across the scanner at the register and viola! If you were born before 1973 you are not allowed into the state of Florida; this is why you never see old people here.
Travel Tip 4: Don’t Bother Planning
The WDW097 chip has been monitoring your behavior since birth and already senses your likes and dislikes. All you have to do is load the kids in the car, van, plane or carriage and head to Florida. When you pass over the border and through the dome, you will receive your vacation instructions via ear implant.
These are just a few travel tips to make your Florida vacation more enjoyable; I hope they help!
The Pop of Culture